i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
