Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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