why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
