I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
