i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
