I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize