So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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