she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
