I am in a vortex of obligation.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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