All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
