Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
