ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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