3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize