She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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