I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
