I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
