The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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