she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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