I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
