Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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