Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
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Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
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you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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