maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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