she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
