My sheets look like a crime scene.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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