I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
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He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
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I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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