Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We talked him into tasing himself.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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