he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
