I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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