i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
