Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Randomize
