i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Boobs speak an international language.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
