Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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