I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
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Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
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My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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