This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
