...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
