I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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