dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
