I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
