I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
