I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
