Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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