he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
