We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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