if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
