I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
