So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
