Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Randomize
