and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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