Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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