Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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