think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Randomize
