the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
