as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
