I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
