I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
