oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
