I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
