My balls are so social today.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
