think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
