Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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