a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
