I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
