There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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