I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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