did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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