Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
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I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
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Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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