If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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